What is a leading and what is it not?

One of the things I have appreciated so much about Conservative Friends is that they have maintained the original understanding of Early Friends that God is present with us every moment and is ALWAYS ready to lead us, even in the smallest things in our lives. Other Quakers today also talk of “leadings” but I feel they do not understand the term in quite the same way as it was originally used by Friends. When I was a member of one of those meetings Friends had “concerns” or “leadings” to do significant things, often involving political action or activities. They would test their leadings by bringing them to selected members of the Meeting for help in discerning whether or not they were true leadings. For these Quakers leadings were more infrequent, maybe only something you had a couple times in your life, more often about “big” things, (like where to move, or which career to pursue),  and didn’t happen to all of us on a daily basis.

My experience, and that of the Early Friends, has been that I am being led continually. This is only Scriptural. “I will never leave you or forsake you.” God is in constant communication with us, though we are not always in communication with Him! But he is always standing at the door and knocking and His wisdom and guidance are always available to us. One of the things that Early Friends found was that God led them in very small things, like pricking their conscience when they did certain things that, while not a sin, caused them to feel that these things were not in God’s will. One of these was removing their hat as a sign of respect to one’s superiors. God showed them that this custom was causing people to give honor and respect to other humans that rightly should go to God alone. Other customs that they were gradually led to give up were the flourishes in greetings, using terms of honor such as Sir and Madam, and of course wearing elaborate clothing that was designed to show how fashionable or wealthy a person was. They were accused of making a big deal about things that are so small that God could not possibly care about them. But they replied that God cares about even the smallest and most mundane aspects of our lives. They called it the “day of small things.” And, while those things may have seemed small at first glance, the violent reactions of those who took offense at their actions demonstrated that those actions were not small at all, but in fact carried social significance that extended way beyond what was at first apparent. So, what may seem small to us may not be small to God!

I feel that my life is a laboratory where I am the object of the experiment. The goal of the experiment is for me ultimately to learn how to experience God’s guidance and to make fewer mistakes! When I read the journals of Early Friends it seems that they had learned how to get it right! They use words like “I was led” or “I felt a stop” very casually! It is fine to throw those words around, but what about those of us struggling to understand how to recognize a “stop” or a leading? So, I am keeping a mental journal of my experiments, for my own benefit and for the benefit of others who are also trying to figure this all out.

Several, no, probably many, books have been written on this subject, by Friends and by other Christians. One I know of is Five Tests for Discerning a True Leading by Hugh Barbour. This is a brief tract that looks at how leadings were discerned historically among Friends. It is in fact deceptively brief, but is full of Truth. Another good source of guidance on discerning a leading is written by Isabel Penraeth on her website Quaker Jane. Both of these sources provide food for thought, but it still must be translated into your own practice! Through my experimentation I have learned some of these points the hard way – most usually by doing them wrong! Hence the title of this piece, “…what is it not?”

There are several situations where it seems to me it is easy to misinterpret our own thoughts and desires as God’s will and direction. One is where we are upset about something, feel an urgency to do something about it, and see that sense of urgency as God giving us a concern to act! For me this one is very hard and confusing. Hugh Barbour points out that one of the five tests is patience. God does not usually require sudden action, and leadings that seem to ask for that are often driven by our human susceptibility to panic! More often patience is required and we should look for the ability to sit and watch how things unfold. Then, after waiting and further prayer, we are more able to hear clearly than we were at first, when still in a bit of a tizzy over the issue. The sense of urgency is very hard to resist! It makes us feel that we FINALLY understand what God wants, or that we are perhaps soldiers for God, doing his urgent work! Usually wrong! God has plenty of time, and we need to relax and take only baby steps in following Him, not jump off the cliff before we even know which cliff!

Another aspect of leadings that I find confusing is when we feel morally right about something and others seem to be morally on the opposite side! Surely that is a sign that God is leading us to action! But it may very well be that, though we are morally right, we are to DO nothing about that! Not even point out their error to them! Maybe God can do that in another way, or maybe He has a plan for them to figure that out for themselves later on in life. We can’t know. So again, patience and very careful listening and prayer are in order. This one is hardest for me in connection with my children. As they become adults God really takes over and I am not necessarily the one He is charging with caring for their souls anymore!

So, to sum up what I have learned so far. A true leading INCREASES the Love in your own life and in the lives of those you are affecting by your leading! Or, in other words, it helps you to see MORE of God’s Presence around you, to be able to Love others MORE, to be MORE vulnerable, MORE open. A good example of something that might NOT be a true leading would be thinking that God wants you to do something to prevent your teenage daughter from hanging out with some friends you worry about. Following this leading is not likely to increase the Love in her life or in yours, it is not going to enable you to see more of God’s Presence in others. In fact this leading is based in fear, which is the opposite of Love. And it is based in a lack of trust that God can protect your daughter, and a lack of trust in your daughter as a person.

Which brings me to the last point I have learned experimentally. If the leading seems to be based in fear, it could not be True, as True Love casteth out Fear. God has nothing to do with Fear. With God all things are possible. If the leading limits your life or the lives of those around you out of fear of possible consequences, it is not from God. This realization is helping me so much, especially as a parent, but also as I face uncertainty in my own future. Are my actions prompted by a fear of what might happen if I don’t …? That is not the way Christ leads us.

There is much more to say, but that is all my fingers can stand for now. I hope some of this is helpful.

In Christ’s Love,

Barb